dreams.

december 30th.

my day of birth. one that was supposed to be happy and enjoyable, to be celebrated with friends.

last night's rendition wasn't quite so perfect.

--

the day began. enthusiastic, I rose out of bed.. to find someone that I always wanted to see in my room. one of my best friends. how did he get there? moreover, why was he there? these thoughts crossed my mind as he rose out of the chair. stuck in the dream, I continued, making conscious decisions; it was like real life, except with a surreal twist that made it all too good to be true..

I walked over to him. there were no words I could speak that would properly convey my thoughts. instead, he approached me with a light embrace. I reciprocated. how starved I felt.. I couldn't let go. spending a few precious moments in this state.. it suddenly disappeared.

I found myself in purgatory, full of darkness.

futilely flailing in the darkness, I couldn't see. I couldn't understand what was happening.

some time passed before I discovered myself back in my room. my friend was no longer there. how I wished he was.. I felt so empty after having him taken away.

I took a glance at my phone. the date and time registered in my mind.

7:57AM. 12/30/08.

three hours. I had time to prepare for it.

sadly, however, those three hours mutated into an obscenely long time.

no one arrived. no one called. no one informed me of any late arrivals or evening surprises.

I walked in the freezing rain, waiting for someone, anyone, to come. for hours, I traversed the path from my house to the gate, where my friends would enter.

nothing.

I wondered: where were my friends? where did one of my best friends disappear to? how come no one told me they weren't coming?

the harsh reality dawned upon me. maybe they're no longer there.. maybe they've abandoned me. just like everyone else back then..

I felt my heart accelerate. was I still conscious? how am I still thinking? how did everything happen? it wasn't supposed to be like this..

before I could consider any drastic actions, it all ended.

with the manifestation of my greatest fear, the tears fell, with no one left to wipe them.