Ramblings.

The talent show went quite well. Though, I think they should reconsider the name of it.. In my eyes, it seems to be a glorified choir show, composed of bands and ensembles that work together. Despite that, the people in it are quite talented.. The 7th grade pianist has skills that surpass anything I've ever heard of in my life; he intimidates me. Not only his skill, though.

I'm scared for his social life, his future career, and his own family life. When someone is blessed with such a talent, it's natural for parents to fawn over that specific talent.. But I wonder if his parents forced him to get to such a high level of performance. I wonder if his talents are loved, as opposed to him as a person. It would be quite sad if his parents valued him only for his prodigious skill at playing the piano. Not to mention, if he reached that level when he's a 7th grader.. How much time and effort was put into his training? It must have taken hours upon hours of concentrated effort; I can't imagine how much he practiced to get to that level. However, I have a feeling that it was not entirely of his volition, to reach that level.

As children, we often do as we are told. But knowing the strict guidelines that Asian parents often impose upon their children, I think it's safe to assume that his parents pressured him to practice to get to that level.

As regular people, we tend to be attracted to other people for certain reasons. Whether it be their physical appearance, their skills and abilities, or their personality, there is always something that causes that initial spark of attraction. This begs the question: where would we be without our own interests and preferences? How would we have friends without this?

Although it is a necessity for our interests to exist, that necessity has so many cons that its pros are almost nullified. We live our lives, around the people we consider 'friends'... But what is a friend? Someone who will talk to you when you're down? A person that you simply know the name of?

How do you know when you "know" someone? How do you know when someone is willing to be there for you? When they're unwilling to talk to you, does that make them not your friend? Where are the lines blurred in terms of friendships and acquaintances?

Moreover.. What is a "best friend"? Someone that you can talk to about your deepest secrets? Someone that won't judge you? Someone that can nourish your life, and vice versa?

I feel terrible when I see someone that I know, and I feel embarrassed to say hi to them. I see countless people that I 'know' throughout school, and I'd like to say hi to them or engage in conversation with them.. But this nagging feeling inside me tells me that they wouldn't want to say hi back. Or that they would be indifferent towards it, and ignore it. My lack of a projecting voice and shyness don't help, either.

I want to know so much.. There's not enough time. I lack the determination and motivation to seek the answers to these question. I remain at a standstill with many friendships; in fact, the majority of them have disintegrated to the point of nonexistence. There is no underlying foundation between us anymore; we're strangers now.

I wish I could be there for someone. To feel like I'm important, or relied on. After all, one of the natural human desires is to be cared for.. When someone opens up to me, it makes me feel accomplished: that I was trustworthy enough for that person to tell me something that they deemed important.

I've opened up to many people in the past few weeks. Whether or not that was a good choice, I will find out soon.. Though, I find it depressing that something like someone's secret can be so easily thrown around by people who don't even know the person in question. Like, so-and-so lost their virginity, this group of people do drugs, et cetera.

I would fear that happening to me, but it's happened already. I'm gonna have a great time dealing with that.