sorry.

I'm sorry for worrying people on Monday. Next time, I'll just keep it to myself. That way, no one will worry about me or suspect that something is wrong.

I don't want to explain why I was absent on Monday. However, I will say that it was necessary.

To one specific person who may be reading this.. I don't know where we stand anymore. I don't know what is 'okay' to do with you. I don't know if you want me to leave your life so that you won't have to deal with me anymore, or if you're just waiting for me to change so that we can become friends again. You told me on Friday that you believed that we're not friends. That, my friend (or should I say, friend-no-longer..), broke something in me. And I can't recover. I don't have any more energy, endurance, or motivation to continue trying.

I see you every day, and when I hear those words echo in my mind, I can feel tears rising up, threatening to break through my grimace. I want to hear you comfort me, to hear you tell me that I'm wrong, that you ARE my friend.. But when you said those words, my only safeguard shattered. Whether or not you care is up to you.. But the reason why I have been so depressed this week is because of you. Not because what I dreamed could never come true.. But because I know for a fact now that we're no longer friends.

My nightmare for so long.. It finally came true. And it's truly torturous to endure it every day.

[Edit: I was called by that friend while writing this, and although it still hurts, the pain has been alleviated a bit. I'll keep trying to build up our friendship; I hope you reciprocate.. Two months.]

This is the latest I've been up for a couple of days. It's kind of strange, considering that I usually wake up at 2AM or 3AM.

Here is to hoping things get better.. I'll work on it. Though, I'm still not ready to present myself. I hope you guys forgive me for that.