A restful week. Or rather, a deathly wait.

Why do I even bother anymore? I've asked myself that question so many times now; at this point, many people doubt my credibility, and roll their eyes if I even hint at the fact that I'm depressed.

I'm lonely. I'm so lonely.

I'm not saying this to make people pity me and try to help me out. I just need to let it out somehow. I have no outlets anymore. I have no one to turn to who will truly care about what I have to say or how I feel. My "friends" run at the first opportunity they get.

I always wonder why I feel this way. Why "love" is so elusive in my life. Why I trust people who lie to me. Why I'm such a terrible person. Why nothing works out.

I'm not going to do anything drastic.. Not now, at least. But honestly, I wish I had succeeded in the various attempts I made. I really despise living right now. Everything is dragging.. Sleep constantly eludes me.. I feel miserable just lying down in bed, contemplating all the crap that's happened to me, knowing that my situation isn't likely to improve..

I guess I was just too hopeful. And subsequently had my hopes crushed for the hundredth time. You would think that by now I would get used to the pain, but no, I haven't.

I sound whiny right now, and I care that I do, but it's necessary. And to whoever's reading this who wants to tell me to shut up, I don't care what you have to say. Bottling up my emotions and thoughts may not affect you, but it certainly kills my mood. So stop reading if all you're going to do is something analogous to complaining about the lack of meat in a vegetarian restaurant. This is my blog; what do you expect?

I want a piano. And school to come back in session.

Spring Break isn't restful.. It's sapping away my energy with each passing hour.