I bowed my head in humility, attempting to stifle the whimpers that seeped through the cracks of my facade. it was of no use; they broke through, shattering what little dignity I had.
as I sat there in disbelief, embarrassed by the intense emotions I had let control me, two women of Spanish descent talked loudly and rapidly in a foreign tongue.
tears rolled down my face as the ceremony continued.
regaining my composure after losing it so splendidly required energy. in fact, I could only keep up the charade for as long as there were people around; I could not embarrass myself again. I feigned contentedness, unable to speak for the tortured soul within that missed his friends, that felt as if that day were to be his last one on earth.
for hours, my face smashed itself into a pillow, wet and hot. bloodshot eyes brought back memories of anguish and terror. between gasps for air through the sobbing, thought processes focused entirely on could-have-been's. goodbye-forever's and promises of solitude took over my mind, drove me insane.
what a wonderful time to break down.
you're lucky you had friends that MADE you cry for them.
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