so empty.
so unhappy.. what happened to me? I thought things were getting better, but I guess I was wrong.
maybe this is the result of me trying to distance myself from my friends and not caring when I do.
I don't want to do this anymore. it hurts too much. it's not worth it.
I want to talk to you again.. like we used to. I know it's selfish of me, but I really can't stand doing this anymore. the silence, the confused look on your face, the lack of expression on my own.. what happened to us? I really wonder if we're still friends. sometimes you surprise me with your actions, but I can't help but feel that they're done just to make me feel better.. I feel like we're not close. like we're not friends. your decision to talk to other people, rather than me, hurts..
I don't think I'm too selfish in wanting to talk to you every once in a while. but, when you choose to talk to others that you're around more often, in favor of me, when we're all there.. it hurts. when it happens everyday, for up to a week at a time, I think I did something wrong.. the jealousy, the pain, the uncertainty of whether or not we're even friends; it hurts so much. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep telling myself that things will be alright, because they aren't.
the only thing I ask of you is to talk to me more.. maybe I can tell you all of this myself. or maybe you'll find this blog and discover how much I miss you and that what we're doing right now isn't going to work for me..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
it's like you've dug into my own mind and worries and reciprocated it into a blog, haha.
ReplyDeleteit's hard to find a compromise, sometimes. Distance makes you feel even more unincluded in a person's life, and inclusion just takes too much confidence and effort, really.
when I find an answer, I'll tell you. but talking and force isn't so bad sometimes. It kinda produces results, whether you like them or not.
Alex---I hope that relationship mends itself.
ReplyDeleteNext time I'm around, I'll leave so you can talk.
See, I say stupid things. I hope that both of you have the strength to fix that.
ReplyDeleteRelationships don't fix themselves.