so empty.

so unhappy.. what happened to me? I thought things were getting better, but I guess I was wrong.

maybe this is the result of me trying to distance myself from my friends and not caring when I do.

I don't want to do this anymore. it hurts too much. it's not worth it.

I want to talk to you again.. like we used to. I know it's selfish of me, but I really can't stand doing this anymore. the silence, the confused look on your face, the lack of expression on my own.. what happened to us? I really wonder if we're still friends. sometimes you surprise me with your actions, but I can't help but feel that they're done just to make me feel better.. I feel like we're not close. like we're not friends. your decision to talk to other people, rather than me, hurts..

I don't think I'm too selfish in wanting to talk to you every once in a while. but, when you choose to talk to others that you're around more often, in favor of me, when we're all there.. it hurts. when it happens everyday, for up to a week at a time, I think I did something wrong.. the jealousy, the pain, the uncertainty of whether or not we're even friends; it hurts so much. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep telling myself that things will be alright, because they aren't.

the only thing I ask of you is to talk to me more.. maybe I can tell you all of this myself. or maybe you'll find this blog and discover how much I miss you and that what we're doing right now isn't going to work for me..